There’s a line from a song I heard years ago that used to play in my head a lot. “But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.” What really moved me about that line is that most of us don’t even know what we’re looking for. We feel a longing deep within for something we can’t define, something we inherently know will make us happy. It’s that sense that something’s missing. It doesn’t matter how much we know (conceptually) and affirm that we are whole. Until we find what we’re looking for that longing is still there.
For me it was like a wound in the deepest part of me that couldn’t heal. There was a river of sadness flowing under the surface of life regardless of circumstances. Even in the happiest moments that undercurrent of sadness was still there. Personal inquiry and examining beliefs helped a great deal but still the river flowed. Blissful moments of awakening relieved for a time but as soon as the real world crept back in the sadness was there, too.
One day I had a profound insight about the ego and how it convinces us to relinquish control of our lives to it. It says, “You’re incomplete. You’re missing something. I can help you get it.” The only thing that has ever been missing is conscious awareness of who and what we truly are, of all that we are. A conceptual understanding or belief in wholeness may calm the mind but it doesn’t change the feeling experience inside. Our experience is separation, and that is pain. The first wound, or original sin, is the separation in awareness of our personality self from our true, eternal consciousness.
If you have a sense of longing for home, seeking something you feel is missing, or just a deep sense of sadness, what you’re looking for is you. It is possible to experience reunion and communion with our eternal essence while yet occupying these physical forms. It is possible to experience the truth of who and what we are, and that experience is bliss beyond words. It is an embrace of profound love and living light. That embrace heals all brokenness and wipes away the tears of a lifetime. The world cannot give you this healing, but you can give it to yourself.
In quiet moments turn your attention to your heart. Let it calm and open as you breathe gently and deeply. Lift your attention to the crown of your head and imagine a circular portal there. Intentionally expand the circle, opening the portal. Above your head imagine a field of light that extends high above you. You can call it your Higher Self, Spirit, or Soul, whatever works for you, or simply think of it as living light. Send appreciation or gratitude up through your crown into the field of light. As you do so you may notice the light changing or moving. There will be a moment when you feel energy moving from the field of light down into your body. You may experience this energy as love or joy or just a pleasant feeling. Enjoy the energy and go back to sending gratitude into the field of light. 5 or 10 minutes of this every day will open your awareness more and more to your true eternal essence. At some point you may experience being lifted up into the field of light or being bathed in that light. That is the embrace of pure love of your true essence.
I cannot guarantee that this meditation will provide the same results for anyone else that it has for me. I am sharing it because the possibility exists for everyone. Feel free to modify it in whatever way feels right for you. The manner in which you connect with your true essence is irrelevant.
The idea for this meditation came from working with recordings of special sounds made by Tom Kenyon and reading the material on his web site about the sounds, working with energy, and the process of awakening (or “ascension”). My favorite recordings on his site are “Aethos,” “Immunity,” and “Ascension Codes.” I recommend reading the liner notes for each recording to get a better understanding of where the sounds come from, what they do, and how to work with them. Tom generously offers several free recordings on his Listening page. Those are a great way to experience the energy before deciding if his work resonates with you.
With Love and Gratitude,